One of the beliefs romantic the most popular is that the couple must also be our best friend , but it is really possible, and it is recommended?
Josepa Cucó, professor of social anthropology at the University of Valencia, explains that the friendship is defined as a relationship of voluntary and egalitarian that contains aspects of expressive and instrumental, with a multifunctional character, and unrelated to kinship. That is, a nexus free, without hierarchies or authority that allows us to express our feelings.
“friends escort along the life cycle, provide emotional support and company, and contribute effectively to construct individual identity and social and help to resolve the problems and crises of everyday life”, he describes.
On the face of it, it is not difficult to think of the couple can be our best friend; however, there are singularities that must be taken into consideration.
“The main aspect that allows us to differentiate between the two states is of a sexual nature that is inherent in the bonds of love”, he says.
importance of sex
The expert indicates that the attraction is exclusive to love, because usually we do not have frequent sexual relations with people we consider our friends. When there is this situation, we use other labels, such as ” amigovio “.
Therefore, says that the sex is what separates the two plans and allows you to evolve to the other, but when the terms change, you can continue being a friend?
“The correct interpretation of friendship within a loving relationship would be good communication, the coincidence of points of view about life and the sharing of projects, however, think that your boyfriend or girlfriend should be your best or your only ally Is an error “, explains José Luis Zaccagnini, professor of Basic Psychology at the University of Málaga (uma) and member of the Laboratory of Emotions of the same institution.
The couple should not be a best friend
Zaccagnini details that, although it is important that the couple is in the important aspects of our life, it is not advisable to be the protagonist of everything.
Indicates that, in the same way that we do not share the totality of our interests with each and every one of our relatives, for example, with some we make a trip, with other parts or with other purchases, our partner should not be present in all that we do
By his side, José Bustamante , a psychologist specializing in couple relationships and the general secretary of the Spanish Association of Specialists in Sexology (AES), indicates that the confusion between the two types of relationship are the leisure and the trust.
“to Share with our partner, feeling only the daily tasks, shopping, issues, or children’s education, and spend our time to enjoy with people outside of the relationship, you can do with that we have finished associating this person with boredom and discomfort “ he says.
in This sense, he mentions that it’s good and healthy to share our interests, hobbies or concerns, but that should not be done for the fun of it exclusively for both of you.
Zaccagnini mentions that there is a tendency for it to block in a circle with the beloved, and isolate from the others, which is not healthy because all the links (family, friends, couple) are required to have a good personal development and be happy.
trust is not the same thing in friendship and in love
Another difference of the relations of friendship and love is trust.
“With a consort, aspects of intimacy more deep wounds or fears are more easily shared, while with a friend it is easier to show no inconvenient”, says Bustamante.
For his part, Antonio Esquivias , professor of the International University of Valencia (VIU) and is a specialist in emotional intelligence, indicates that, in the case of friendship, the person is there when we need to ask feelings and talk without being judge, but accepted, which can be difficult with the couple.
For example, think about times when you made a mistake or has passed on him with his friends, however, are still there. Now think if you would do this in front of your partner, could you?
The experts concluded that the couple can belong to the group of friendship, but this does not mean that they should be the best or the only one. Everything should have a balance.